The Technology field is expanding and building up and as years pass by, new improvements, new inventions and new gadgets are coming out of the market. However, I think that people are overusing technology and it is affecting our lives. Moreover, I believe we are all becoming more and more dependent on technology and using it as a crutch instead as a tool, because of the shortcuts technology does for us and we tend to forget how we get there in the first place. For example, students in math classes depend too much on the calculator to solve basic arithmetic and forget how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide by hand. Students in English classes depend too much on word processors to check their spelling and grammar. I am also guilty of this, coming from a different country and learning English as a secondary language, I use this utility to correct my mistakes and because of it, I feel that my English has not improve that much. Drivers depend too much on GPS to locate and navigate to their destination. In an article written by Tom Vanderbilt, he mentioned one driver who was instructed to make a turn on a rail road and eventually crashing with a train coming in front of him (Vanderbilt). There are other numerous stories told about GPS navigation in the news, where drivers just kept obeying the “turn by turn” feature in their GPS without using their senses to determine what path they are heading, whether it is legal to do so or not, and eventually crashing shortly after, because they rely too much on the GPS and fail to read the signs ahead of them. Most of us store our data such as old pictures, memorable videos, touching audio and important documents in our electronic storage devices, and if this device gets lost or infected with a virus, we would feel helpless because all our hard work and projects are lost. We can all relate about how technology has affected our life and how our society relies desperately on these electronics. I believe that if we properly use these gadgets it can benefit us, but if we misuse it we would be affected negatively.
integrate quote from: http://www.npr.org/programs/specials/poll/technology/
370 words
Vanderbilt, Tom. “It Wasn’t Me, Officer! It Was My GPS.” Slate. N.p., 2011. Web. 14 Nov. 2011. <http://www.slate.com/articles/life/transport/2010/06/it_wasnt_me_officer_it_was_my_gps.html>.
Great topic sentences, they're short and to the point
ReplyDeleteYou gave real examples (math and gps's) how technology is giving us shortcuts in life and how we forget hiow to do basic functions without technology.
Try to include more transition words.
Great grammar, sentence structure was good.
Maybe include a quote from the article you acquired the information from.
I liked how you defended your arguement. Very informative and well written.
Topic sentence- Good explaining of topic then your opinion
ReplyDeleteSupport- Could use more personal examples
Transitions- The blob paragraph has no transitions. Break it up some
Quote (in "quote sandwich" format with proper MLA citation)- need the actual quote, but then you can explain it
Grammar and spelling- only problem i can find is that you said six senses, i believe only five exist
Strong argument- Very informative, but i could argue that technology helps us so we dont have to remember 10000 trivial facts, but still we shouldnt blindly use technology
Compliment: I could see where your arguement was going
Suggestion: Break it up more, maybe add a picture or two?
You have a strong arguement on how the people are using technology so much more now and days and relying on it. I myself am guilty of relying on teechnology exspecially word process to fix my mistakes because its much easier then having to keep going back and checking grammer like i am trying to do right now which is slowing me down!!. But its good to have some knowledge on how to do things yourself such as adding and subtracting for math or being able to spell a simple word for english. So i strongly agree with your arguement.
ReplyDeleteTopic Sentence- Good topic sentence. I know what I am going to be reading about and do not have to guess.
ReplyDeleteSupport- Excellent support. I know exactly what you mean that technology is taking over.
Transistions- Transistions were ok. Did not see anything wrong.
Qutoe- "the “turn by turn” feature in their GPS without using their six senses to determine what path they are heading whether it is legal to do so or not and eventually crashing shortly after because they rely too much on the GPS and do not read the signs ahead of them" I totally agree with you. Some people are idots when it comes to using GPS's, they have no common sense at all. I rememeber this one lady and her friend ended up in a river because the navigation told her to to make a turn there, and she did it without.
Grammar and spelling- Were good, some errors here and there.
Strong argument- Yes. Very strong with good examples to back it up.
No suggestions for improvement everything seemed fine.